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05:12:33 - 2000-06-04 Today was another day that ______ did not want to do anything but stay inside her house or on her porch. I did not go crazy. There is this thing called the Strawberry Festival in my town and I wanted to go badly. I love when towns organize events for culture etc, you know, and the strawberry festival is gorgeous, it has all the local jazz bands and school marching bands and they serve strawberry shortcake. It is boring, mind you, as all hell, indeed. But beautiful in its own way; in the way that people work very hard to make it, that it is the art of the local town, you know. Like its just about "Lets see what we can all do to have fun." I wanted to go really bad but _____ did not feel up to it. She says that I am incapable of just sitting still in a house and talking to her. I was worried that that was true, but the reason for that is that quite simply i am incapable of sitting in a house all day. Especially when something like the Strawberry Festival is going on, with lots of happy people out with thier kids sitting on grass. ______ finally agreed to go to the strawberry festival at 6:PM- we got there and it was over. Had just ended, in fact. I caught up with some friends and we headed out to have dinner somewhere. We waited in the parking lot for them to show up and the most awesome thing happened, is right out of the fake windows of this chinese restaraunt there were these little baby chickadees and they were trying to fly. They were hopping about on the ledge, and they were really young and nervous looking. They hop! They hop to walk. So there were these birds and then one at a time they would make the plunge and try to fly for the first time it seemed. They were very awkward. The first one was amazing. At first it would flap its wings very quickly and then slow down. It tried to land on a branch and missed and had to frantically scoot back up to land right. When it landed, though, the most amazing thing happened, was it started chirping really loud and quick, like to say it was happy that it could fly. I wonder about what it must be like for a bird to fly for the first time. Like I bet you it is this ecstatic feeling and you just can't help but sing and chirp for hours and go out and frolic. ______ watched them too but there wasn't this sense of what was going on, you know. We weren't watching it the same way. But anyway, thats why I like to go outside. Thats why I hate staying inside and talking to her all day, or can't, or whatever. I mean I have nothing to say, for chrissakes. I have too god damned much to watch. Later on we went to Barnes and Noble, this bookstore. It has two floors and the top floor has this huge window. Anyway, there was this kid in there we generally try to avoid, so we made this huge game out of it, you know, all four of us, and we did espionage moves around the building, and then staked out at a nearby tree and loitered. We watched the front, and then I ran in, when we thought they had left, to check the scene. They were gone, so I signaled from the top floor with a thumbs up and then my friends started coming back in. So it kind of inspired me, cuz there is a bank machine across the parking lot, to use Barnes and Noble as a place to play Capture the Flag. We would place the flag in an envelope, right, and there would be two. We would hide one under the couch and one in the ATM machine kiosk building thing across the parking lot. Then, the team tries to defend the flag but without any action that would let bystanders know that we were playing a game. So, for example, say we put the flag under a couch in the b+n, and someone was sitting there, reading, you would have to wait for them to leave. You couldn't ask them to move, you know. Then you would have to get the flag and signal to the other team member that you had it, and then go return it to your base. I think it would be great fun to play. We also got the idea to plant sunflowers, watermelons, and tomatoes, at random places all over the town. They are all hearty fruits and flowers and so to just grow seeds everywhere would be like amazing, because at the end of the summer the town would be overrun by watermelons and sunflowers! It would be gorgeous. I also wrote a letter the other day, to this girl, but its like the most amazing thing because I wrote some really awesome stuff that I had never even thought of about myself before. And I went out and spent a lot of money on parchment envelopes to mail it to her and all. But i am not going to talk about what i wrote or what she writes back here, I don't think, and the reason is because I want it to be just hers, and just mine. I want it to be terrifically magical and real and beautiful because I have never had something so wonderful as that in my life that has lasted for more than a week. So maybe it will be like that Belle and Sebastien Song, "Up The Treehouse," you know, about the guy and the girl who wrote each other letters for 7 years and then realized there was no one else they could spend thier life with. It just makes me very, very hopeful. Because I clicked in this really strange, psychic sort of way with her without even meeting. I would put the entire correspondance here but i think that is....cheapening it. So i have decided not to put any of it up. I wonder if I will even discuss it again, or what will come of it. But for now it gives me great great hope, you know, that I can still click with someone. It gives me a chance to really breath.
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