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7:53 p.m. - 2001-07-05 The big stuff is still no good, but today the smaller stuff was okay. I woke up at eight AM to go to a new job delivering phone books. My own car and my own clothes and my own music. It sounded easy. My training this morning was a video tape that ran for eight minutes and covered the technique for delivering the phone books. Two books for every house- one local residential directory, one district-region level buisiness directory. We put them in plastic bags. We put all bags on the steps, on the side of the door hinge, not the handle, because people might hurt themselves. They reinforced that idea several times. They said not to put them next to the mailbox. They said, also, if people want extra phone books, give them away. "Our goal is for every man, woman and child in this city to have a copy of the yellow pages." They loaded my car up with 200 phone books and gave me a list of houses. I started in my own neighborhood because they didn't have anyone in my town, so I am going to do the entire town, I think. I drove up the hill and delivered to a church. There was an AA meeting in the church and I wondered if I was supposed to be there. I left four phone books. I got to some residential places. You can tell how rich a person is by how many phone books they get. One guy got 4, he was the leader, and he had a huge house. Lots of people had three car garages. I decided to park my car and walk to four houses, then drive up some. It was good. I walked a lot. I walked about 18 miles. That's a light estimate, because my car drove 18 miles in a straight line. I walked in four directions for every four houses. So I can't do the math. Then it rained. It was okay that it rained, and I delivered the books anyway. I was happy it rained because then it wasn't hot any more, and I didn't like the heat. People I saw said what a rough day it was to have to deliver the phone books. I told them "yeah." But it wasn't so bad, except the phone books got wet. It was actually really nice to have an excuse to walk around in the rain. Like I wrote here before, its like maybe there is a whole imaginary alternative culture of people who are out in the rain. Like the city changes. Only certain people will be out in the rain, and I was one of them today. I dunno, it makes me feel happy, I guess, to think of myself as a citizen of that face of the city. Some times I would know the people were home but I would walk around the house kind of, looking for the best door. One guy came out when I did that, but he did it in a great way, he opened his garage door and was standing there, behind it, and let it go up and looked at me and didn't move. "Hi!" I said. With the exclamation point, even. He still looked, frowning. "I have your new phone books!" With that, everyone I met lit up. It was like I was a tooth fairy for grown ups. I am the guy who comes to your house and gives you free things. And I give you as many free things as you want. If you are at home when the phone book man comes, jump for joy, because if youw ant 18 phone books he will give them to you. I will give them to you. I am on a crusade to get a phone book in the hand of every man, woman and child. Sometimes there are dogs. When there are dogs, I don't give people the phone book. The last delivery I had was this girl, about my age, and she had a chihuahua that ran out and growled and would run away. And then I would turn around and it would run after my legs. So I had to walk two feet, then turn around, then walk two feet. Also, one family had this poodle but it was pink, I swear to god, and they kept calling it and its name was "Pinky." Like the got the poodle and named it "Pinky" and then dyed its hair. I came home and felt really happy because the work was grueling, I was covered in sweat, but man oh man when that last phone book is gone it's so nice. And then I came home and had a big lunch of couscous and mushrooms and herbs, and bought a big old thing of lipton iced tea and a big old thing of redMountain Dew [which is OK Soda, I am 75% sure] and then took a shower and man oh man. Physical labor followed by showering = sex. I mean it. I washed my feet for like 20 minutes because my parents are out on teh vineyard or something and weren't around to bitch about how long my shower was. I feel really honest because I am not selling anything to people. Its like in say anything, about not wanting to sell anything bought or processed or buy anything processed or sold or process anything sold, bought or processed. All I am doing is wearing myself out for a good nights sleep. The pay is shit, but I will do this job all month [then they stop delivering the phone books] because I love the idea that I am the guy who goes out and gives people free things all day. And because I love washing my feet after walking 18 miles. And I would make up songs in my head. Like songs about how the people are at work and they don't know I am at thier house right now delivering the phone books. And how if they knew it would probably freak them out to think about some guy on thier lawn, looking at thier house and wondering if he could take a dip in their pool.
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